To Antipsychotic or Not to Antipsychotic, That is the Question

One of the hardest decisions about my course of treatment has concerned the use of Antipsychotics. My psychiatrist and I (with the often not helpful input of my over-eager family and friends) have gone both ways with me using Abilify, a very modern anti-psychotic medication, alongside my mood stabilizer, Lamictal. I think one of the major problems with my using this (in my family's eyes) is that it is a medicine used by schizophrenics. "There is no way that she is that mentally ill" they say. However -- and this is a big however -- this is just to do mainly with social stigma and also not fully understanding what is happening here.

First of all, that us address what this 'psychotic' nonsense is all about. What does an anti-psychotic prevent?

Well, I have learnt that a manic episode can be with or without psychosis, and I'm pretty darn sure that mine have been with. The BBC Website on Health describes it thus:

If a mood swing becomes very severe, you may have 'psychotic’ symptoms. These include:

• When depressed, you feel guilty, worse than anybody else, or even that you don't exist.
• When manic, you may feel you’re on an important mission or you have special powers or abilities.
• You might also experience hallucinations - when you hear, smell, feel or see something that isn’t there.

An issue with all of this, is about the severity of an episode. So my family might be upset thinking that I am a severe manic (although we know very well that I am Bipolar I but nonetheless...). Let's just say that although psychosis is most commonly known regarding schizophrenics, its also prevalent amongst people with epilepsy, people with cancer, oh, and err people who are drunk(!). So please calm down everyone, it's possible that you were psychotic at some point yourselves....

Due to seeing, hearing, feeling and smelling things that aren't actually there, I am becoming increasingly convinced that I do require an Antipsychotic in my mental health regime. Unless I just get used to the feeling of creepie crawlies on my head, the musty smell that I'm certain cannot possibly be everywhere in this city, the flashy disco lights when I close my eyes, and oh yeah, the Dark Lord or whatever at the end of my bed. But, I do also heed the idea that Abilify is just one of the newest evils out of the best evil of the corporations, the Pharmaceutical companies (just reading this article is enough I think). Just the fact that it costs me $160 a month (after the insurance covers 80%) is enough to make me KNOW that I do not want to take it. But are there alternatives...?

One idea that I have recently got, is from this research paper on Cannabidiols. I may well do a little of my own self-study here...